Counseling by Paula

As a Licensed Professional Counselor, I help mid-life individuals and couples who want to resolve their relationship issues and betrayals so they can have peace in their hearts and experience deeper trust and aliveness in their relationships

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Are you in a new relationship? How talking about your negative feelings can have a positive outcome

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113637486_185510f444_m1When dating someone new, have you heard comments like “don’t be negative or your new boyfriend won’t like it and may end your relationship”?  Or how about “put your best foot forward” because if you don’t he or she won’t like you and could easily dump you for someone else.

Sarah (not her real name) is 21 and has been reserved and shy throughout her life. Sarah likes her new boyfriend Tim (not his real name) 22 who is more outspoken and comes up with things to do on the weekends and evening when they can be together.

Sarah thinks she is being self-centered if she talks about what she likes to do.  She likes Tim to initiate activities.  Slowly after three months, Sarah is feeling less reserved and now telling Tim what she likes to do on weekends. [Read more…] about Are you in a new relationship? How talking about your negative feelings can have a positive outcome

3 Reasons Why Complaints Can Be Vital To Your Marriage

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Ted and Betty (not their real names) came as a couple for counseling. Ted complained that he wanted more time to hunt with his buddies on the fall weekends.  Betty complained that she, too, needed some time with her girlfriends at the beach in the fall.  They had no children and had weekends to play.

Complaints are vital to the health of a marriage in order to offer clues about what gives meaning, and zest to the relationship. [Read more…] about 3 Reasons Why Complaints Can Be Vital To Your Marriage

Have you been dating for more than three years and feel the relationship is stuck?

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I met a women recently who has been dating a man for the past three years.  Sarah (not her real name) told me about how she met Brian (not his real name) and about how much she looks forward to marrying him and having kids. However, she confessed he changes the subject whenever she talks about marriage.

Sarah does everything possible to please Brian and make him happy.  She feels very frustrated and wonders if he wants to marry her.  Finally she asked Brian to come with her to couple counseling.  He was reluctant but agreed.

Acceptance of what is going on in our lives can move us to the next step if we listen.  Listening to the resistance can be an important piece to knowing what we need to do. [Read more…] about Have you been dating for more than three years and feel the relationship is stuck?

Do the holidays look different to you this year?

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Are you anticipating that it is not going to be easy getting through this holiday because of a divorce, the death of a loved one, or having an empty nest.  May be you are suffering from a chronic health condition, suddenly unemployed, or are single without family?

The holiday season can add more stress because of these life changes. Our great expectations of having family around for Christmas, of being in good health, or having a great job may be unfulfilled.

The holiday ads on TV promote the view of the happy, healthy family showing grandparents, parents, and grandchildren around the holiday dinner table and Christmas tree. This scenario may not be your reality.  The difference between your life and the life you see on TV can cause a deep sense of loss, sadness, and depression.

Have you noticed that much of the holiday season is full of happy family images in which everything seem so perfect. If this picture is not your reality, you could feel on the outside of the holiday celebrations among your relatives, your church, or local community. [Read more…] about Do the holidays look different to you this year?

9 Tips To Help Your Depressed Partner Or Friend Through The Holidays

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There can be many reasons for your partner or friend to feel depressed or have the holiday blues.  Here are 9 tips to help them through the holidays.
  • Be a good listener.
  • Communicate your support: for example, say “This must be a difficult time for you. Is their anything I can do to help?”
  • Share your feelings and thoughts to let them know they are not alone.
  • Encourage your partner or friend to exercise.
  • Make suggestions to eat more healthfully (cut down on caffeine, alcohol, or sugar).
  • Ask them first what they want to do during this holiday season. Then ask who they want to do it with and when.  Write it down. Also, ask them  what kind of support they need to do this activity.
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