Counseling by Paula

As a Licensed Professional Counselor, I help mid-life individuals and couples who want to resolve their relationship issues and betrayals so they can have peace in their hearts and experience deeper trust and aliveness in their relationships

Paula Helsby

Have you been dating for more than three years and feel the relationship is stuck?

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I met a women recently who has been dating a man for the past three years.  Sarah (not her real name) told me about how she met Brian (not his real name) and about how much she looks forward to marrying him and having kids. However, she confessed he changes the subject whenever she talks about marriage.

Sarah does everything possible to please Brian and make him happy.  She feels very frustrated and wonders if he wants to marry her.  Finally she asked Brian to come with her to couple counseling.  He was reluctant but agreed.

Acceptance of what is going on in our lives can move us to the next step if we listen.  Listening to the resistance can be an important piece to knowing what we need to do. [Read more…] about Have you been dating for more than three years and feel the relationship is stuck?

Do the holidays look different to you this year?

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Are you anticipating that it is not going to be easy getting through this holiday because of a divorce, the death of a loved one, or having an empty nest.  May be you are suffering from a chronic health condition, suddenly unemployed, or are single without family?

The holiday season can add more stress because of these life changes. Our great expectations of having family around for Christmas, of being in good health, or having a great job may be unfulfilled.

The holiday ads on TV promote the view of the happy, healthy family showing grandparents, parents, and grandchildren around the holiday dinner table and Christmas tree. This scenario may not be your reality.  The difference between your life and the life you see on TV can cause a deep sense of loss, sadness, and depression.

Have you noticed that much of the holiday season is full of happy family images in which everything seem so perfect. If this picture is not your reality, you could feel on the outside of the holiday celebrations among your relatives, your church, or local community. [Read more…] about Do the holidays look different to you this year?

9 Tips To Help Your Depressed Partner Or Friend Through The Holidays

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There can be many reasons for your partner or friend to feel depressed or have the holiday blues.  Here are 9 tips to help them through the holidays.
  • Be a good listener.
  • Communicate your support: for example, say “This must be a difficult time for you. Is their anything I can do to help?”
  • Share your feelings and thoughts to let them know they are not alone.
  • Encourage your partner or friend to exercise.
  • Make suggestions to eat more healthfully (cut down on caffeine, alcohol, or sugar).
  • Ask them first what they want to do during this holiday season. Then ask who they want to do it with and when.  Write it down. Also, ask them  what kind of support they need to do this activity.

Couples: 3 Ways to Reduce Your Holiday Stresses

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Holidays are often stressful on couples.  Here are 3 ways to help you and your partner reduce your holiday stresses.
  • Be aware of your energy level.  Talk to your partner often about what is important to you as you go through the holidays.  Tell your partner what activities you have low or high energy for and negotiate them if needed.  You may want to skip, add, or change a holiday event or family ritual to make for a more enjoyable time with each other.

  • Get emotional support. Communicate about what kind of support you need from each other to get through the holidays.  You and your partner may need more self-care from each other.  Examples of self- care are spending time together viewing city lights, participating in a religious celebration, or going out for dinner or a stroll in a park. [Read more…] about Couples: 3 Ways to Reduce Your Holiday Stresses

How to have your partner and/or friend(s) help you through the stress of the holidays

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There are many reasons why you may feel stressed out during this holiday season.  The lack of money, unemployment, health concerns, the breakup of a relationship, mourning the death of a loved one, or upcoming final exams can all cause stress.
Three Common Sources of Stress

A good definition of stress from the Wikipedia dictionary says “stress is a catch-all for any perceived difficulties in life”.  It also lists three common sources of stress.

  • lack of control of our environment such as food, housing, or health issues.
  • having social issues like a breakup, death of a loved one, or a divorce.
  • life experiences like poverty, unemployment, depression or lack of sleep.

[Read more…] about How to have your partner and/or friend(s) help you through the stress of the holidays

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